Discounted Love

Whenever this new friend tells me that she could talk to me forever, “yeah, right.” echoes in the shadowy part of my mind. It’s not because I think she has an ulterior motive, all the facts told me she had done much for me and never asked for anything back.

To me, it is unbelievable that someone with their own free well would think that about me. I can’t say that I hate myself or feel like a fraud but somehow I just don’t feel that can be true.

A heart-felt compliment often leaves me stuttering, unable to accept and reply gracefully. I’d think, they are just being nice, it can’t possibly be true.

It’s sad, really, reading what I just wrote…
How am I so cruel to myself when I would never do that to others?

Without trust, I’ve discounted the love I get.
Without trust, I’ve discounted the love I give.
Without trust, I lose.

Discounted Me

Often when I couldn’t finish my to-do list, I would ask why I can’t do more, faster, and better like other people. I ignore all that I have done, I give myself no credit.

It’s horrifying, reading what I just wrote…
How am I so terrible to myself when I would never think that of others?

Without trust, I’ve discounted my efforts, my talents, my potential,
Without trust, I’ve discounted my future, my life, my self.
Without trust, I lose.

Discounting Discontinued

To the suspicious part of me,

What if I just choose to believe what my friend said?
What if I just choose to see the good in myself as I would in other?
What would be so bad about that?

So, as of now, all discounts have been discontinued.
I deserve 100% of me.
And yes, that includes you.

I’ll still need you from time to time if a real danger comes.
Meanwhile, please enjoy your long overdued rest.

It’s time to let Trust take over,
because without trust, we all lose.