Sadness welled up, triggered by simple lyrics, a song about life after the passing of his love. Only this sadness didn’t feel like mine. I am living a blessed life. After several weeks, when this sadness still surfaced with the song during random plays, determined to release this emotion, I decided to face it head-on, brutal force style.
Bringing Past Life Pain to the Surface
The morning of a day with nothing scheduled, I put on my headphone, set to loop just this one song, took a deep breath, and braced for what’s coming.
I want to watch you leave, follow behind you wondering the streets.
I’m waiting for you to turn and look at me then decide to stay eventually.
The tears came. I was watching a little boy and I was the little boy. He was peeking through a slit in a shabby wooden door as his father walked away from the lens maker’s work shed.
I want to take your little hand and say let’s go home.
I was crying now. The sorrow was deep yet without a solid root in me.
The boy was almost sure his father would change his mind the very next moment and take him home. A father who marked his anger all over his little boy’s body and heart. A father who hated his son for taking his wife’s life during the childbirth.
Talking with my Past Life Self
The boy knew that was only wishful thinking. His silent cry rang inside me, “Don’t leave me here, take me with you!”
I stepped forward and wrapped him in my arms. He looked up and said “Why doesn’t anyone love me?”
“I love you. Whenever you need a hug, think of me, you will feel me here with you.” I let him cried a little longer.
“You have to forgive the grown ups, they don’t know what you are doing to themselves and to you. You are strong, don’t ever give up. I am always here for you.”
Shifting to The End of His Life
He was dying and I was keeping him company. He was forced into the army, now wounded and bleeding to death on the battle field.
I held him and said “You can let go now, you’ve done your best.” After he left his body, I sent my gratitude along.
“Thank you. Your strength to survive this long allowed our soul to go forward in your lifetime. I will work to release the pain and always be grateful for what you have contributed to the growth of our soul.”
More Notes
The scenes I described did not appeared to me visually. I only sensed the events happening. I’ve made peace with not being able to “see” as many intuitive people can.
I only knew about this past life from a session with Ainslie MacLeod. Though this felt like real-time, I was not “reliving” that life as many people experience in the past life regressions.
As I was writing the drafts of this post, the sadness still returned when I read the lyrics. A friend then offered to use ETF (Emotional Freedom Techniques or tapping) to release this past life trauma.
When she was done, she mentioned it was easier than expected and that I must have processed a lot of it already. I guess my Brutal Force Style healing did work, just not as fast as ETF.
Later, I tested it again on my own by reading the lyrics and listening to the song and the same emotion did not return.