No More Mr. Nice Guy!

No More Mr. Nice Guy! by Dr. Robert A. GloverA character has just arrived on the scene in a story I’m writing. He seems like a all around good guy who is liked by both men and woman. In a conversation with the leading lady, he reveals that he, as he is now, didn’t come easy. He was a Mr. Nice Guy who never says no to his girlfriends but they left him anyway.

I had to stop writing at that point. What is it about him that he allowed himself to be treated that way?

A friend mentioned the possibility of childhood trauma and suggested that he only got better after finding a new hobby or sport to develop his self-confidence. While I agree with his view, I needed to learn more about Mr. Nice Guy before I can complete the backstory of this character.

No More Mr. Nice Guy! by Dr. Robert A. Glover explained the making of a Mr. Nice Guy.

As it turned out, Mr. Nice Guys do and say nice things with strings attached, however unconscious their actions may be. They never voice their needs or wants, thinking that’s a sign of weakness. Mr. Nice Guy lives in a fantasy that by doing everything “right”, their life will be problem free and his needs will magically be fulfilled. Then he suggested ways to transform from being a Mr. Nice Guy to being a Mr. Real Guy.

The funny thing is, I can see a bit of myself in Mr. Nice Guy as well.

I’ve always pride myself as a “low maintenance” woman. Now I know I’m also a Mr. Nice Guy. We think having a need makes us bad. So, while we appear to have no needs, we were only denying that part of ourselves. It’s ironic that this behavior also kills the opportunity to receive love and kindness from others.

As I read on, I found more traits that I share with Mr. Nice Guy.

  1. Avoid new situations / Stay with the familiar
  2. Give what I want to give instead what’s needed
  3. Try harder to fix an old issue but use the same ineffective method (which Einstein defined as insanity, how fitting!)

I am pretty sure I’ve grown enough to repeat that last two patterns. Now I just need the courage to move away from my comfort zone.

No More Mr. Nice Guy! not only helped me create a character who had “lived”, I also gain some insight into my own unhealthy thinking and belief.

So to all the Mr. Nice Guy and Miss. Nice Gal, accept your imperfect self and you shall prosper!

Out of Ink

O, oh, I’m running out of ink.
The ink trail is fading fast.

Don’t die yet,
let me finish this heated conversation.

Ah, thank you for your service.
I’m so proud to have finished you off.
The end of you may not spell a bestselling book.

But, to me,
writing a pen out of it’s ink
is the best proof of my perseverance.

I’ll be taking it on with another pen.
I’ll not give up until I see the ink trail runs dry again.

A Method Writer

cups with heart shape handleI think I may be a method writer.
Writing a rom-com (or least trying to).
Don’t remember what it’s like to be in love.

So, what does a writer to do?

Listen to love songs,
Watch silly movies,
Psych oneself into a pseudo-romance.

Don’t worry, I know it’s only real on paper.

Seems to work so far,
Hope this lasts,
until the last period.

Crushing: An Observation

Good CompanyThe idea of him, of being with him,
seeps into the gaps of your train of thought.

You keep busy, overwhelm your brain,
Try to stop thinking about him, about being with him.

It’s not healthy, you tell yourself, inside your head.
No way he’d ever be interested in you, you wonder.
Maybe he has a girlfriend, you assume.

You don’t want him, you yell at yourself, inside your head.
He is only perfect because he lives inside your mind, you reason.
He plays with his booger and scratches his crotch, you pretend.

Enough! I said, not inside my head.
You know how you can stop this craziness?

Stop thinking!

Saved by Intuition

Sat out to explore an unfamiliar park in the morning, walking on the path along the lake, happy to see families already setting up food and drinks for the day. I felt safe until I saw a guy in a dark tracksuit walking toward me then settled at a picnic bench.

intuitions + cautions saves peopleHe said hi when I walked by, I replied then walked on like I knew where I was going. For some reason, I told myself to be aware of my surrounding. Maybe because he didn’t look like someone who needs a break even though he did have a protruding mid-section.

Not knowing the path and unwilling to head back his way, I picked a trail that MIGHT lead me to the sand dune where a few groups of men where fishing. The trail has many sharp turns so my only defense was to speed up and listen for his movements, not sure if he was indeed following me.

Lucky for me, I made it out to those people who were fishing in a few. I watched the old man closes to me clean his fish. After a while, we started chatting. A few words into the conversation, the tracksuit guy showed up on the sand dune.

Again, he didn’t look like he was at the park to exercise or enjoy the site. Besides, he was back tracking by coming my way. He didn’t get out near all of us, just hang around the trail head, all the while looking my way.

I informed the nice old gentleman that I was being followed. We carried on the conversation until the tracksuit guy gave up and left.

Although my intuition only whispered, not screamed, I listened and escaped the situation unharmed. And by the grace of the divine, someone friendly and chatty was out there.

Still, if I haven’t learned to trust my instinct, I’d be wondering about my reaction and dismissed it instead. Then, who knows, I don’t even want to go there…

So today’s tip for daily life is practice listening to your intuition now so you’ll be able to hear it when you need it.

A Lucky Charm from Japan

geku omamoriToday, an Omamori (お守り) came to me in the mail.

When I was in Japan, I developed an addiction to omamaori. I got at least one of those at every temple I’ve ever visited. My friend was very considerate as to support my habit and now I get my lucky charm when ever she visits a temple in Japan.

This one is from the Isejingu‘s (伊勢神宮) Geku (外宮).

Omamori usually comes in more of a rectangular shape, a comma shape one is unusual. Some say it symbolizes the Magatama Pond in Geku. It comes in different colors but some how my friend picked orange, a color that has been a favorite lately. How did she know??

This omamori is for “opening fortunes” and I’ve attached it to my bag and ready to enjoy the good luck everywhere I go.

Slow may be a good thing

A friend mistook something I said and thought I didn’t care.

It was a good thing that I was a bit slow. I didn’t react to her state and went on to explain my statement. It wasn’t until I’ve left, I figured out what had happened.

If my sense was sharp and alert, I wouldn’t have been able to reiterate my true feeling without adding more emotion into the mix.

Slow food is a comfort.
Slow reaction is a blessing.

My Petition to God

“Why is she writing this?” In case you are asking, see my last entry “Petition to God?

Dear God,

I have been lucky in life and I appreciate all that I have been given. I’m writing to ask for help on my latest adventure.

I opened an ETSY shop selling handmade paper goods that are everyday functional art. And for the people who owns my notebooks or pocket memos, as they live their lives, I hope to bring them smiles, perhaps even some inspirations.

Everything I made, I made it with intention of love and service. When people hold my items in their hands, I could tell they love it because they kept moving their fingers over the covers and edges.

I ask for your help in bringing the same experience to my online shop visitors. It’ll be brilliant if they can share the joy of using these items like my local customers and myself do.

Thank you for hearing my request and I’m grateful for what I already have and what I’ll receive.

Iris, the humble shop owner/designer of Needs To Note

Petition to God?

Petition to God?
Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert
Elizabath Gilbert‘s voice enter my ears as she went on reading her bestseller Eat, Pray, Love. She asked for her ex to sign the divorce paper. What would I ask for?

Liz’s friend said it’s okay to ask for something for oneself because we are part of the universe. That means, we have the permission, even the right, to make a request for ourselves.

But, I’ve all that I need and a nice, safe place to stay. I don’t even have the desire to ask for the newest iPad.

Petition to God? What would I ask for?